Michael Behmer sat down with Isabelle Tierney to learn more about the Body Beloved philosophy, a philosophy developed by Isabelle. Over the next 10 months, we’ll be talking with Isabelle about how to break bad habits through the Body Beloved model as a follow-up to this month’s introductory interview.

MICHAEL: I am here today with Isabelle to interview her about a philosophy she developed about the inside way to loving your body.
ISABELLE: Yes, it’s called the Body Beloved, the inside out way to loving your body. I have found that most of us try to love our bodies by loving the outside of our bodies. We say to ourselves, “If my body is lovable from the outside in, whether it looks right enough, thin enough, buff enough, then I have a beautiful body that I can love.” A much deeper and more effortless way to love your body is to love your body from the inside out because our bodies are incredible, magnificent creations that are capable of doing miracles for us 24/7. Literally, there’s a miracle that happens every second of every day. When we look at our bodies from the outside-in, we’re missing all these miracles. I’m very passionate about teaching people and especially children and adolescents that their bodies are miraculous, and nobody teaches us that in any classes in any schools.
MICHAEL: It sounds like you dive into more of the internal interactions on how we view our bodies and how we treat our bodies whereas when I go to the gym, I think about was I good or bad because I had those four cookies last night.

ISABELLE: Exactly. One of the ways that I work with the body is I think of my body as a partner, and a partner that I can choose to love to hate. We are prejudiced with our bodies all the time. Think about the way we have treated African-American or Native American people. We look at the outside of what they look like, of who they are, and we say, “You’re good or you’re bad,” as opposed to getting to know somebody from the inside-out, who they are, what their essence is, what their strengths are.

When we get to know people from the inside-out, there are no more wars and fighting. The fighting comes when we look at the things from the outside and then we make judgments based on superficial evaluations of who they are. I used to go to the gym to lose weight and get buff, right? Now I go to the gym and this is one of my favorite things, I dedicate my workout to a body part, such as my heart or my bones. So the whole time that I’m working out, I’m thinking I’m doing something so kind to my heart or strengthening my bones. My heart works for me 24/7, how can I help it? I know that when I work out, I strengthen my heart so its work is easier for me. Every single time I think about doing it as a gift to my body who is always gifting me, I’m joyous and I want to go.

MICHAEL: So you find that this is actually motivational. I like how you’re talking about dedicating an action to an outcome. Now, when it comes to eating how do you apply this same philosophy?

ISABELLE: Same thing, right? We’re eating to feed our bodies, and the more we eat things that support our bodies, the more the body is going to thrive. When you give it, let’s say, avocados and salmon, this is actually material that the body can use to feel better and to work better for you. When I eat crap, I’d think, “My body’s just having to work for no reason just because I’m wanting those cookies but it doesn’t help the body.” I try as often as I can to give it food that actually enhances it and helps it. It’s win-win. If I give it good food, it’s going to work better and which means I’m going to feel better. The more I give it junk, the more tired it is and the more tired I am, the less hard it works.

I try as often as I can to dedicate my meals to my body and work with the body as a partner. I actually practice basic relationship skills. There is listening, how well do we listen to our partner? Communicating, how well do we communicate? And give and take. When you think about being in a relationship with anybody, you’re not always getting your way in a healthy relationship. This is really important because a lot of the people that I’ve seen who have eating disorders, and as I start teaching them this, they think, “I have to become a martyr now. I can never have four cookies because that’s bad for the body.” I don’t see it like that. If I want four cookies, I’ll say to my body, I’ll speak to my body and I’ll say, “Okay, I’m going to have four cookies now but I promise later, I’ll give you protein or I’ll give you salmon,” so that I don’t feel like I’m always having to be this perfect human being, but we do give and take.

And this isn’t about having a perfect relationship with either I win or the body wins. It’s two kinds of entities that are working together here. There’s the little me who wants cookies and wants crap and all this kind of let’s have pleasure right now, and then there’s the body which has different needs sometimes than I do.
And then the fourth skill, the fourth communication skill is the act of loving skill.

MICHAEL: In offices today, everyone is talking about how stressed and tired they are. How would you communicate with your body around something like that, just as an example?

ISABELLE: Well, there’s a couple of things. The first one is I would get myself physically checked out. I mean, we cannot ignore what is going on with the body physiologically. It could be that you have adrenal issues. It could be you have thyroid issues so whenever I see a client, big first, you have to go and get medically checked out. And then the second thing I would say is, “We usually wait until we are exhausted to actually listen.” Right? And actually the body is communicating all the time to us so we are missing that. So once again, it would require for us to slow down, look at our bodies as partners and check it. I got actually pretty sick because of having adrenal issues about a year-and-a-half ago. And I had to learn to check with myself every hour. But if I wait until 6 o’clock at night, I’ve missed all the signals so by that point, the body is screaming and it can’t work anymore. We have to learn to listen and our body doesn’t always speak in words. It speaks in sensations so people get really confused about that.I really want people to start listening to their bodies before the body has to scream. And the way I see the body screaming is by getting sick.

We say the most horrible things to our bodies day in and day out and what science has found is that our thoughts actually impact the neurochemicals like it’s sent to the body so imagine if day in and day out, you’re sending chemicals into your body of hate. It cannot be good for the body long term so I tend help people find different ways to communicate to their bodies and just even if you’re acting as if at the beginning, every time you hear yourself saying, “You’re fat, you’re disgusting.” You change it immediately, “You’re beautiful.” Even if at the beginning it’s going to feel really weird, it’s a practice that you need to change. Give and take, we spoke about and the fun one is active loving.

MICHAEL: I don’t know about anybody else but I’m already thinking of how many things I can buy myself under this umbrella of loving my body.

ISABELLE: But it now becomes, would it really be loving your body? I mean, think about it. If you were really to be kind to your body one day, like really, really. I would probably do the bath, massage, maybe a really wonderful workout, sleep, or enough sleep but giving your body what it needs. Not what I need but what my body needs.

MICHAEL: I think that’s something that a lot of people confuse is I and my body and just lump the body in there. It’s a big shift.

ISABELLE: It is a big shift and you know what? The way I started seeing it like that is, I remember being in Hawaii a long time ago for my anniversary, and I was washing my face and the way I wash my face is I turn the water on, splash my face, like turn it off really quickly, put soap on, and then try to find the faucet again because I believe the earth is alive and that it gets impacted by what we do to it. So I’m really careful with how much water and electricity I use. I remember thinking that day, why is it so easy to do that with the earth and not with my body? I realized that I never saw my body as an entity for me to love, that every cell is alive. The body is incredible.

After that day became a discussion to start working to not objectify the body but actually seeing the body not as a thing, but as an Other. When we see it as a thing, when we see people as things, that’s when we can break them and kill them. I thought, how can I start teaching people the same things? How can we see our bodies from the inside-out? Because then we work from the heart and the right action comes right away.

MICHAEL: Our theme for this issue of VNN is Valentine’s Day. What’s one thing you’d leave us with in closing?

ISABELLE: That you’re missing out on the most loving relationship in your whole life if you miss out on seeing what a partner you’ve got in your body. There’s literally no other relationship out there that is as perfect and as amazing and as miraculous as your relationship with your body, and we’re missing it because we’re so busy hating it.

MICHAEL: Thank you Isabelle.

ISABELLE: Thank you.

Isabelle Tierney is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Play Therapist, and Certified Brennan Healing Science therapist with a private practice in Colorado.  She is the Director of the Body Beloved Center, which offers individual, couples, family, and group support for adolescents and adults who struggle with eating disorders, disordered eating, and body image.  She is the co-founder of the Boulder County Eating Disorders Coalition, a group committed to education, risk reduction, and referral information, and creator and President of The Habit Experts (www.thehabitexperts.com and www.bodybeloved.com), a company dedicated to creating products and services to help people with painful habits, including eating, substance abuse, relationship, and spending habits. She is also a published writer on health and spiritual issues; has hosted an Internet show on healing; and leads workshops and trainings nationally on eating disorders, disordered eating, health and spiritual issues. Isabelle speaks three languages, including French, English, and Spanish.